Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
