I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
