How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
