we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
