Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
