Having a random hookup so left but love u
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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