She is in my trunk
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
