My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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