I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
