So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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