I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
