First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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