I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
