peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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