why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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