I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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