My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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