I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize