I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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