It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
