The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
