mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
