i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
