Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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