dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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