And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
false alarm, still single
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
