They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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