i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread