Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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