If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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