Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
