Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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