I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
