youre lurking in front of me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
