I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
