so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
