If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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