I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
