You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
