The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
