She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
