you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
false alarm, still single
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
