I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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