We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
