yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
