I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
