I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
