I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
