I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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