Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
