my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
God I need to hump something, right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
