Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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