is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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