i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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