I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize