She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
