I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize